Women's Roles and Pastor's Wives Retreats Guest Blogger: Leanne Weber

Today we're once again having a guest blogger and we're invited our good friend, Pastor Leanne Weber to guest blog today and share share about a recent "Pastor's Wives/Credentialed Women's Retreat" she attended:

I've been thinking a lot about the roles of men and women in a marriage lately. More precisely, since I got back from the "pastor's wives/credentialed women" retreat for our district. The title was a bit misleading, since there were not that many credentialed women there...mostly pastors' wives! Some highly involved pastors' wives - like my pastor's wife, for example [who co-pastors] - but quite a few who, when asked, didn't even consider themselves to be leaders.

The speaker, although she had some good things to say, was not exactly one of the best retreat or conference speakers I have ever heard. I am all for making my home a comfortable, peaceful place. This is something I strive to do. However, I believe that it is up to BOTH my husband and me to foster that kind of atmosphere. I can plan a family dinner at the table, but he needs to sit at said table and eat with me. Right now, eating EVERY meal together around the family table is physically impossible, since he works 2nd shift Friday - Monday. On the days when he's not going to be home for dinner, we try to do breakfast together so we have at least one meal..because I do feel like it's important to connect and not just grab our plates and go off to separate areas of the house to eat.

She talked about being there for your kids - not just rushing from a job to a zillion church activities. That's all well and good, but:

a.) We need two incomes right now, and I'm not talking about wanting a whole bunch of expensive stuff. We have nothing in our house that we went out picked out ourselves from the store and bought brand new - other than our bed and a bookshelf, which were made possible by a check from our insurance company when our apartment flooded - all this to say that we are catching up on old bills from a very difficult chapter in our lives, and just to cover that and our basic necessities, we need two paychecks; and

b.) We are called...plain and simple. I could make the excuse that "I'm a woman...I need to start a family and stay at home with them!" But I think God was fully aware of my gender when He called me. As a woman who is planning to start a family soon, I have wrestled with the question of "How on earth am I going to do this?" but honestly, I think we've got a pretty good set-up. One of Patrick's desires has always been to be able to be an active parent - not just a sperm donor who then goes off and works and never gets to spend time with his kids. With his job not starting until 2:00 pm, he will have the whole morning to spend with them...I'll have the evening...and there will be a few hours of time in the afternoon when we may need to find a cute little old lady or responsible teenager from church to take care of them (once they get older and start getting into stuff!)

From this retreat speaker, I got the impression that being a wife and/or mother means that it's all on me. That means that in addition to being a children's pastor and the primary person who keeps our house clean (as egalitarian as my husband claims to be, I've discovered that men just don't see dirt the same way women do, LOL!!), I get to be the full time parent to our kids as well. Now, if I was to be a stay-at-home mom and wife, I would embrace that role 100%. That would be MY job. But since I do work outside the home, as does my husband, we need to share some of those roles. To us, "division of labor" does not mean that there are certain jobs that are a man's domain and other jobs that are a woman's domain. It simply means that the best person for the job is the one who does it. Most of the cleaning is done by me. My husband cooks when we have company, because he enjoys doing big, elaborate meals. Trash is taken out by whoever first notices that it's full. He takes care of our finances because dealing with numbers gives me a headache and makes me cry. Oil changes are done by Valvoline :o).

When I listened to this speaker, I got the sense that she would feel that I was stepping outside of my God-given role. She said a couple of times that "it's a 'trend' in the A/G right now for women to get credentialed." I thought she should have done her homework, since the A/G has been credentialing women from the start. She also said that if a pastor's wife is co-pastoring with her husband, the church is out of order, and the wife needs to step down and give the authority back to her husband where it belongs. This didn't sit too well with our pastor's wife, who does, in fact, co-pastor with her husband! Our church is most definitely not "out of order." It is, in fact, the most functional church I have ever been a part of!

I used my "brain filter" to try and glean some useful information from the retreat, and I'm not saying it was a total waste. But instead of feeling uplifted and refreshed upon leaving, I felt frustrated and discouraged. Like I wasn't "doing it right."

It says a lot about this district and how they feel about women in ministry for them to even bring in a speaker of this nature...and I found myself once again missing my old district - with one of the highest percentages of female pastors, whose leadership would never dream of bringing in someone like that to speak to their credentialed women. All I can say is thank goodness they're NOT doing this retreat next year (they only do it every other year, I guess!), which will leave me free to go to the "Unstoppable" Conference in Tampa!!!

Women are leaving the church in droves!

Last week I posted this about Runaway Women. I've seen and felt this for years on a personal level and seen huge ramifications coming for the church at large, but never saw a research study done on it. Apparently one has been done and the results are absolutely staggering. Read about it here. Among other things, the article states that at least 50,000 women a year are leaving the church because it is no longer relevant in a world where females are empowered to do and be anything they want. Many women see the disconnect with this in the church and want nothing to do with it.

Sadly some women are even turning to cults and false religions because there they have found more acceptance when it comes to utilization of their gifts and talents in the area of leadership. Others have completely abandoned the idea of church altogether because they view it as a place of male hierarchy.

Been sayin' this for years folks...

The article goes on to say the hope of turning it around is in getting more female "bishops" as they worded it (translation: leaders in the top posts of our churches) and in becoming user friendly to single Moms and those working outside the home who comprise the majority of the female population.

DUH!

Yes, I am a feminist GUEST BLOGGER: Leanne Weber

Today we'd like to yield the floor a very good mutual friend of ours, Pastor Leanne Weber, as she shares one of her many recent insightful writings on the issue of equality. To go to Leanne's daily blog, click here.

YES, I AM A FEMINIST

by Rev. Leanne Weber
Children's Pastor
Trinity Christian Center
Zion, Illinois

First of all, regarding Sarah Palin's appointment as the Republican VP candidate: I can't even believe that in 2008, this is an issue for some people. Seriously - as a child of the 80's, the two things that were drilled into my head were:

1. Just say NO (to drugs, alcohol, and tobacco)...LOL!!

2. Women have the brains and the ability to do anything that they desire.

I assumed that others of my generation were taught the same. I grew up in the Assemblies of God, a denomination that has ordained women for ministry since its beginnings, and so becoming a pastor wasn't even a moral/ethical dilemma of "should I or shouldn't I?" [Well, okay, I did go back and forth on it a bit - but not because I'm female!]

I have always taken for granted that women can pursue a career. I have met and continue to meet many women who have successfully raised godly kids AND worked outside the home, whether in ministry or in corporate America.

As Christians, we are sometimes reluctant to use the term "feminist," because it is a word that comes with a lot of baggage attached to it. We hear the word and we automatically think, "pro-choice, lesbian, liberal, tree-worshiping pagan or Wiccan." So for my purposes here, I am going to define the term feminist as "someone who believes that God calls ALL people - male and female - to different roles."

Two of my dearest friends in the world are sisters - both pastors, both moms, and both married to non-credentialed men. One of them worked full time until her baby was born, and then accepted a "part time" position in a church (I put "part time" in quotes, because I don't think a pastor is ever NOT a pastor - you either are one or you aren't one. This friend simply works in a church that does not pay her a full time paycheck, and therefore, she has the freedom to work from home and not put her son in daycare while she goes to the office). The other friend, with both of her kids, went on a "partial maternity leave," in which she still conducted kids' church on Sundays, but stayed at home in the initial 6-8 weeks after her kids were born. Then, she went back to working full time in the office. Her pastor was extremely generous in that he allowed her to bring her kids to work until they became toddlers (at which time she voluntarily chose to keep them with a sitter during the day, so that she could get work done, lol!). Both of them are doing what works best for them - for their ministry - and for their household, and although their kids are small, I see happy, well-behaved, very much loved kids in BOTH families.

I used to stress about what would happen when I had kids, but I have confidence that my co-pastors (who raised two girls while co-pastoring!) and I will come up with a satisfactory arrangement.I believe I am called. Whatever shape that calling takes in the future (as in, if I am a children's pastor for life, or if God calls me to a different type of ministry!), I am called for life. God didn't give me an escape clause, "redeemable upon the birth of my first child." And if I am called, then God is going to give me the strength and resources that I need in order to do my job AND raise godly kids. I refuse to feel guilty because I will not be staying at home baking bread, sewing clothes, homeschooling my kids, and growing my own vegetables (Can I just say - we'd STARVE if I did that? Our tomato plants yielded a grand total of two tomatoes this summer - slightly larger than cherry tomatoes, and although delicious, not nearly enough to make the buckets of fresh salsa that I was envisioning when I planted them at the beginning of the summer, lol!).

I refuse to feel guilty that I am now 32 years old and have not yet had kids. Waiting until now to start trying was a conscious choice that Patrick and I made when we got married - for a lot of different reasons that are, frankly, no one's business but ours! And for those who say it's okay for me to be a pastor, as long as I'm "just a children's pastor," let me give you a little advice: First of all, you NEVER use the term, "JUST a children's pastor" around someone who is called to preach to kids. Second of all, I have a License to Preach from the A/G, which qualifies me to be any kind of pastor! Although to get me to be a senior pastor, it would require God coming down and telling me in an audible voice, and providing at least three references to prove it was really Him :o).

All this to say that I am perfectly happy to have a female VP candidate. But in true feminist fashion, I do not plan to look at the fact that she is female - but where she stands on the issues...beyond just the "hot button" ones like abortion, gay marriage, and the like. And for tonight? My husband is making me steak on the grill, so that's what I'm concentrating on at this present moment - ciao!